October 7, 2023, may have changed the Jewish world as I had come to know it, but October 9, 2023, changed the world surrounding it in a way that I still can't truly express. 

October 9, 2023, but it still feels like yesterday. I remember the fear, the shock, the grief as I sat there after what had already been three of the most emotionally taxing weeks of my life. Who could have guessed that my emotional exhaustion and the need to continuously defend myself would not only continue but exponentially increase? 

October 9, 2023, was not about the conflict, was not about Israel and Palestine, but instead about me and my community, about our right to feel comfortable and safe as young Jewish people growing up in an increasingly tumultuous world. 

October 9, 2023, yet I can still remember the flood of messages and daunting Instagram feed like it was yesterday. I can remember the warnings. So many warnings, messages, and posts. “Don’t go into the city,” they said, “Don’t go near the Opera House,” they pleaded. But why was this the case on the evening that the Opera House was being lit up in solidarity with us, with a country that had just experienced a terrorist attack and a people who had just lost the most amount of our brothers and sisters in a single day since the Holocaust? 

Over a year ago, the isolation and fear began, but has not yet ended. 

I have and always will be a very proud Jew, regardless of being a significant minority in many social environments, but for the past year, that identity has scared me. Something that makes up so much of who I am has filled me with both anxiety and pride. Losing friends, being singled out for my beliefs, or even simply being scared to talk about what I did to celebrate the most recent Jewish holiday or my plans for next year are challenges I never expected to face, but while facing them has been difficult, it has renewed my Jewish pride. Renewed my belief that today and every day, my culture and religion will remain an important part of who I am. 

So, over a year ago today, my view of the world as I had come to know it changed forever, but each and every day, my identity as a proud Jew becomes clearer and clearer.