I’m going to start this story very frankly: I was way too nervous to come to ILTC. For the couple of weeks before then, it didn’t seem like that, but as the days inched closer and closer, I kept thinking about every little movement and action that I would take at Perlman. 

My first day was scary. I knew a ton of people already, but Perlman was not like my old sleepaway camp. I didn’t know my way around, we were the first dorm of the day, and I was very tired from the trip up. I settled into dorm 1, still as nervous as can be.

That overthinking mindset became very apparent during the first few days of ILTC. I was scared of what people thought about me and my every move. I felt trapped and wasn’t able to sit myself down to really ask myself why I thought like this. 

But everything changed once the first Shabbat came around. It was the first Shabbat service in a while where I genuinely cried. I felt so relieved hearing the music and voices that surrounded me. It felt like I was reminded that people do care about me, and one hundred percent don’t care about what I do here at ILTC.

I have also worn my grandfather's chain ever since he passed away in 2023. I got so many compliments on it, and it really soaked in that people at Perlman are there to be nice, and definitely not judgy. They were interested in my heritage, why I wore my pendant, and what it means to me – and that's Judaism at its finest.

During services the next day, I picked the program where I can sit by myself and talk to G-d. I have not done that ever really since my Bar Mitzvah, and I was scared to. Those 20 minutes opened my eyes as wide as possible. I felt like everything was just lifted off of my shoulders. I talked to G-d but also my grandfather, telling him about how wearing this pendant truly keeps me going every day. 

That day taught me that I should not take my days at ILTC for granted. Every chance I got, I went to Shacharit with my Tallit and my own Kippah. People would help me wrap T'fillin, which I didn’t think of doing until I stepped foot onto ILTC. 

ILTC was a magical place filled with fun and energy. But one thing is clear when I look back at it: It gave me hope and strength to keep going, clear my mindset, and to continue to explore how I express my Jewish faith. Although I did not stay for Kallah, I definitely found my Jewish Identity through ILTC in the best way possible.

Fraternally,
Aleph Jake Bernard Goldsmith, Miami Region #53