Before CLTC I wasn’t sure if I necessarily fit in with the “definition” of being a BBG. The definition of going to your first event and instantly finding your people, feeling wanted at events or conventions, or even feeling like my presence at events made a difference. Although I didn’t fee; exactly like a BBG I didn’t want to stop trying to fit in. I ran for chapter board Mazkirah and won, then I ran again for S’ganit, lost and slid back down to Mazkirah but won. I was devastated but decided not to give up on trying to find my place in BBG. 

Let's back up… before I ran the second time I had gone to International Convention ‘26. There I made some good friends but lost touch with them due to distance, and our busy schedules. Once again I felt like I hadn’t felt the impact of being a BBG that I had been searching for. I decided to sign up for a Summer program randomly one night after contemplating it for months because I found out my IC roommate was going to be there. I chose the program with only 2 other people from my region and they happened to be Alephs. 

The night before CLTC I was up until 1:16am overpacking my duffel, suitcase, and backpack until they were about to burst. I finally got into bed, barely able to sleep because of how nervous and excited I was. My alarm went off at 4:45am. I was running on adrenaline, not even tired. I packed a few more things and headed to the airport much later than I should have. I boarded my flight and finally took off after what felt like years of sitting on a plane. The flight seemed to take forever but I had stable internet, little did I know that would be one of the last times I’d have a stable connection for 12 days. 

Once I landed I met so many people. Everyone was so nice and eager to meet me, which made me instantly feel wanted. When I saw my roommate we both instantly dropped our bags and ran as fast as we could to each other to give each other the biggest hugs we could. We caught up for hours, met new people, made friends, but looking back it feels like I only spent 20 minutes in the airport waiting for the bus. I boarded the bus and had some of the best conversations of my life, played games, and even though it was a 2 hour bus ride I wish I could have even 5 more minutes feeling the bumps of the road, begging for a charger, and making life long memories. 

Once I got to camp Poyntelle a camera was immediately shoved in my face and I was rushed to lice checks. Then I waited in a line to get my name tag and bunk. When I heard that I was in the same bunk with my IC roommate I remember screaming and jumping up and down with her. It took 40 minutes until we were finally allowed to go down to the AZA and BBG village. When we got there we waited even longer, met even more people until finally we were allowed into the bunks.

Everyone rushed to find a bed, fighting for the bottom bunk with all their luggage in their hands. We found out that there was no time to change before the carnival but no one cared. We all went to the carnival in the same clothes we wore to the airport. Sat with people we most likely never would have spoken to if it wasn't for CLTC. Although it was only my first night I felt like I had already made lifelong friends and a second family.

I finally got the feeling I had been searching for since October 19, 2024. The feeling of being wanted, of having a place, the feeling of being able to be myself without being judged. I knew who I was at that moment. I am a BBG. Now whenever someone will ask me “Who are you?” I know what my answer will be, and that answer is… “IDENTITY, IDENTITY, WHO AM I? A BBG! I AM ONE, THOUGH ONLY ONE. THERE’S SO MUCH I CAN DO.”