Full Perlman can be imitating, scary, and even stressful. I know I went through all these emotions when I came to the realization that I was about to spend 6 weeks at a camp I’ve heard so much about, but have never been to. This was also my first summer not going to my normal camp, making it that much scarier. But, every good experience comes with fear.  I was terrified I wouldn’t find my people. As someone who’s not a very outgoing person, it was a genuine fear of mine. I didn’t know how wrong I would be.

From the second I arrived at Newark to the moment my flight took off to head home, I was surrounded with so much love, support, and friendship. I’m so serious when I say these friendships will and are the friendships that make me even more excited for IC, ILSI, and everyday life. I truly do not know what I did before Perlman, before I met all of the people that now mean so much to me. I could talk for hours about how grateful I am for each and every one of them, but that’s not the topic of this article. So, let’s start from the beginning.

The first couple days, I would talk to as many people as I could, trying to find the ones I felt at home with. After about a week, I found them. Those girls became the people I would laugh, cry, and connect with. From programs to Chofesh to everything in between, we created a bond like none other. 

Speaking of programs, the programs were INCREDIBLE! They taught me so much about where I stand as a leader. It showed me my strengths and weaknesses, what I’m most passionate about, how to lead a program both in and outside of BBYO, and so much more! ILTC was the time I learned who I am as a person; as a leader. By the end of ILTC, I was drained. Knowing that I still had 3 more weeks of some Shabbos Cake, I was almost regretting my decision to go full.

But, there was something in the back of my mind, telling me that it's only 3 weeks and that I would never have this chance to experience the magic of BBYO in this sense ever again, even in a million years. That is what kept me going. Well, that and a full day and a half or sleeping in PA, walking around a silent camp that was once filled with people screaming at the top of their lungs. Oh, and of course our Walmart orders and Lake Como Eats. What I would do to relive even one hour from that day. Anyways, the day in between ILTC and Kallah, or Transition Day, was the BEST part of Full Perlman. There were only 80 people there in a camp built for 250, so many memories all around, and everyone bonds over this time that so few get to experience. Before you know it, the Kallah kids are driving in and the whole process starts again. 

Seeing the people here for Kallah, I got all the same fears as ILTC. The fear of not meeting my best friends was definitely the strongest of them all. From the start, I talked to as many people as I could. And before I knew it, I found my friends. But this time it was different, not only because it was different people, but also because of the different programs. 

During the Kallah programs, I found myself connecting more with the curriculum, not all, but more than I ever did at ILTC. Thinking back, I think that because the ILTC programs were more educational and taught how to be leaders while the Kallah programs were more personal and individual, it made me think more about who I am as a Jewish woman living in today's world. Back on track, I remember this one program we did the first day and the last. It was a slip of paper with things like Jew law, G-d, Identity, Israel, etc. and you had to put each into 4 categories: Confident, Interested, Don’t Care, and Overwhelmed. I don’t remember all but I do remember Identity. In the beginning I put it in Interested because I was interested in what my Jewish identity means to me. However, at the end, it ended up in Confident. I ended it here because I now know that I am confident in my Judaism, and I know what it means to be Jewish within me. I tell you this because I believe this is the power of going on Kallah has. It taught me so much that I otherwise wouldn’t have ever thought about. 

Before Perlman, I thought I knew who I was. I know I like photography, being Jewish, my friends, hiking, and zoning out during long lectures. But now I don’t. I listen during lectures, even though I do still zone out sometimes. I now do more work outs then the one hike once every 2 weeks, I take better photos, know what friends are real and who aren’t, and listen when people talk about being Jewish, even when I can’t follow their trail of education. I don’t know who I am and thats okay. It’s okay to not know who you are at 16, 17, and especially 18. It takes time, experiences, pushing yourself to the brink, and lots more to even start to understand yourself, and Perlman taught me that. 

It took nearly 6 weeks for me to understand that it's okay to not have everything figured out. To end this article, please, please, please, go on Full Perlman. If that doesn’t work, then go on any BBYO summer program. Don’t think because you have your home at your camp and your region during the year that you don’t need to go to a camp you have never gone to, because that is how you end up with regrets. You're only in BBYO for a max of 5 years, please don’t leave it wondering what could have been if you had just said yes.